Reasons why I hate public transport #16

Oi! Fucking mentalist coffin dodger in the mobility cart – driving in the middle of the cunting fucking road:
1. Move out the way you fucking arsewipe!

2. MOOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  Go broom-broom bye-bye!

3. Why are you driving in the middle of the road up a busy high street? huh? WHY?! WHY???
– oh, and move you fucking burk!!

I need to be somewhere on time, so travelling at a maximum of 4mph aint gonna cut it buddy.
Turn off, pull over – sprout some fucking wings & fly away, just do whatever the fuck you gotta do & get out of the damn buses way, Now!  – before I jump off this bus & go all road rage on yo’ crazy head, mofo.

Advertisements

K does Christmas – Part 3!

This weekend I put up the Tree at the BF’s!
I was quite looking forward to the task, despite feeling like crap – and the fact that the tree is actually older than him and a bit sparse!  But I was filled to the brim with glittering joy, that was until I discovered the tree was impersonating the leaning tower of pisa.
Despite trying everything, rearranging, dismantling, starting again – and even nailing the fucker to a plank of mdf – it still looks like it’s going to take a dive, so I just crossed my fingers, hoped for the best & continued regardless – and obviously not thinking things through as I decided to make the leaning side  the front of the tree! doh!

….and you may place your bets to how long it stands!

and so forth to the (slightly better quality than usual) photo-bonanza! Continue reading

The trials & tribulations of the Resting Bitch Face

“Cheer up luv, it might never happen”

Do you know what, ‘mate’?  “IT”  just fucking did happen!
–  I was minding my own business, when some utter arsehat came along and thought he could pass judgement on my happiness levels & my face.
So
now I have to use every last bit of my tolerance & will power not to punch you in the throat.

So Jog on. Go fly a kit. Do one.  Fucking knob.

Continue reading

RWIHPT #15

Creepy man at the bus stop, don’t be creepy!
Don’t creep up behind a total stranger and murmur “eh-lo beh-be” in their ear.

Because, 1. It’s really fucking creepy, you cunt.

and 2. As you discovered – you startled me; So you got the knee jerk reaction of a wallopp to your mid section.
No, I’m really not sorry.
I also do not want to talk to you, that’s why I’ve told you to fuck off.

K does…… health & fitness?

One thing I’m often asked, especially whilst shovelling a piece of cake into my mouth, is – “K!? How do YOU keep your figure?!?”    – and I’m never really sure how to answer that…

Pickled,  sealed in a airtight container, stored in a cool dark place – away from direct sunlight?

So lets start –  Diet….

It’s very important to have a healthy, well-balanced diet that includes your ‘5 a day’.  Thankfully chocolate actually has ALL 5!  Yes mofo – all-fucking-five!
Don’t believe me?  tsk!  just look at the ingredients and you’ll clearly see that my word is truth!

Continue reading