“Cheer up luv, it might never happen”
Do you know what, ‘mate’? “IT” just fucking did happen!
– I was minding my own business, when some utter arsehat came along and thought he could pass judgement on my happiness levels & my face.
So now I have to use every last bit of my tolerance & will power not to punch you in the throat.
So Jog on. Go fly a kit. Do one. Fucking knob.
I have what is known as RBF – that’s ‘Resting Bitch Face’ for those not in the know. Basically, my face’s natural positioning means that I don’t look particularly friendly, or happy – instead I look miserable and thanks to my fabulously arched brows, it just adds to that uber-bitch look;
As I don’t feel the need to keep up an act & have a fake smile sprawled across my face, or any other unnecessary expression for that matter – I get random people misreading the lack of emotion and assuming that I’m bitchy, arrogant, stuck up, that I’m giving them a dirty look, or even that I’m judging them (I am. I’m judging all of you mother fuckers. Every last one of you. )
And a lot of silly opinionated men seem to think I look pissed off, unhappy, sad – and thus throw comments at me like “cheer up” & “Smile”
– Why on earth should I have to subject my face to all that extra effect & premature ageing?
Why should I have to walk around looking cray-cray, just to make YOU feel better about my face?
I get pestered enough as it is now – so why the fuck would I want make myself look any more ‘approachable’?
Here’s a thought for you – I don’t go around telling random people what to do with their faces; So how about the next time you think you have the right to tell me or anyone else – you insert your head back up your anus & take a fucking spin.
….And some douche’s will actually have the nerve to combine those two above comments together & say something that fills me with total rage & makes me want to vomit all over them –
“Cheer up luv, you’d be much prettier if you smiled”
Really?? – How about I stab you in the fucking eye with a biro instead?
Another few favourite’s that I’ll obviously never tire of hearing….
“When I first met you I thought you were going to be a total bitch, but you’re not – you’re really nice”
Aww, that’s so sweet – When I first met you, I thought you were a complete cunt; So I guess one of us is still right.
“You don’t look very happy to be here”
I’m not. Some idiot is talking to me.
“Oww! Who pissed you off”
You. You massive fucking cockwomble. Get out of my face.
Something else that I have a little gripe over – Over the past few years, I’ve noticed RBF to be a fashionable ‘thing’ to claim to have on social media, so I’ll see sassy little bitches with their perky little faces giving a little frown or dirty look & going – oh! look at my bitchy face, the struggle is real….. all the whilst popping out a bit of cleavage.
Pppft! Bitch please, I’ll smack that pout right off that face with just one look! – When I have my photo taken, I try my best to be all purdy & ‘smize’ but the resulting image just looks like I want to stab you in the face.
I guess my bitch face goes hand-in-hand with the rest of me – my assertiveness, sarcasm and what I call my ‘realism’ (but what is usually confused as scepticism/pessimism) – and peoples inability to tell when I am serious or joking, so I’ll often also be accused of being angry, rude, scary, negative – or that I’m not a happy person…..