Reasons why I hate public transport #1 – 9 ….

As this blog will be the new home for all my rants, I thought it would be a good idea to rehash & repost what I’ve already vomited up onto my FB status’s in the past month, as I’m sure this subject will be touched upon many, many times in the future.

(1st October) #1: Being forced to endure other people’s conversations…..
Boys, please! You only look about 12, so I fail to understand why you would need a Viagra. At your age you should be a walking erection, so if you need a little blue helper, there is something seriously wrong – go to a doctor instead of boasting to your friends.
Also I’m sure that Abi is a lovely girl, but I didn’t need to hear the 15 minute conversation primarily all about her Vajaja. Also, if you insist on broadcasting your private life, please stop bastardising the English language, innit blud.

(1st October) #2:  School children.
Hordes and hordes of the noisy little bastard beasts – what feels like every child in SE London, all crammed in on one small, single deck bus. Fuck off!

(5th October) #3: School children – Again!
Those nasty, filthy, germ spreading little bastards. Urgh! I feel rough and my bumhole stings.

(6th October) #4: R4 drivers, when your bus is full – why do you insist upon letting on even more people, just so half the bus has to get off & board again everytime someone needs to get off?
…and letting on too many pushchairs, when its already crowded – so it’s like the krypton factor trying to get off. Cunt.

(6th October) #5: Local buses, fuck you with a big shitty stick for making me choose between –
1. getting a bus that will shortly be swarmed by children
2. Waiting 20 or so minutes for a bus already infested
3. Walking over a mile, all uphill, in heels.

(9th October) #6: Spready-leg Man – I think you’ll find taking up 3 seats is already more than adequate – Leaning into AND breathing on me is just pushing your luck, so sort it oooooout.
Otherwise I’ll have no other choice but to hammer fist you in the Bojangles.

(12th October) #7: Crazy old cat lady – take a step back, get out of my face & stop stroking my spiked jacket, purring and saying “pretty”.
Creepy shit like that makes me get off the bus and walk

(17th October) #8: Arghhhhhh! motherfucking cunting oyster cards! …I somehow lost mine on Wednesday, so I’ve had to get a new one, which cost £5 – FIVE FUCKING POUNDS! For what exactly!?? nothing! Just a cunting stupid ugly little plastic card.
I also topped it up – and of course it didn’t actually credit the card, so I now have to go back to the cunting thieving shop and sort that out. I also had to cancel my old card & transfer over the funds, but as TFL is a massive cockwomble, it couldn’t just do that transfer electronically – no, I have to beep in at the start of a train/tram journey, which would be super fantastic if I actually used either; but I use the scuzzy fucking buses. EURGH! Cunt.

(18th October) #9: This latest ‘report it to stop it’ campaign – Eurgh! Now, don’t get me wrong, its great that the issue is being highlighted, but eurgh! its just all been made a bit pathetic & meh!
One of my bigger gripes is that it seems that we now have the thought police & people can no longer even look at someone else just incase it makes them feel uncomfortable??
Pffft!! Bitch please! My face is always making people feel uncomfortable, although I admit not usually in a ‘I want sexy times with you’  way & more ‘come any closer and I’ll fucking cut you’.
But I digress – If you want to stop it – instead of just waiting til its all over & just hoping that the incident on a crowded train, where you probably couldn’t even see your own feet was somehow magically clearly caught on cctv – speak out & fucking publicly shame the perv by telling that mofo to stop rubbing his filthy little cock up against you. Innit!

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