Back in my day… #1

What is with this trend of having #SELFIE printed on everything?  Hats, tshirts, bags…
as a ‘fashion statement’ – it’s really pretty cringe-worthy.

And now to make myself sound like a granny, but back in my day
a selfie wasn’t a self-taken photograph, taken on your fancy phone and then whored all over social media….


It meant giving your self some ‘self love’.
Flicking the switch. Choking the chicken. Pulling the pork. Going han solo…
You get the idea, basically making the lil’ baba jebus cry whilst you play air guitar with your naughty bits.

So I guess the meaning has transformed slightly – Because lets face it, anyone that wears a #Selfie logo – or posts about 100 ‘selfies’ a day, is basically a massive wanker.


Musical Mondays #2

Ok, so it’s Tuesday – but I’m a forgetful cunt and forgot to post this yesterday!

Anyway!  I’ve been reminiscing about my college days lately, so for this Musical Monday, I thought I’d share a song that reminds me of back then.

When I first heard this song – I was completely  enthralled, I felt if I could have ever written a song – I really wished it had been this.
– If I was able to sing & not sound like a cat being raped by a hippo then I would take great joy in singing this to you all at any opportunity, but I can’t, so I wont….
But back when I was a teenager – I wasn’t so considerate to other peoples ear’s & never let a silly little thing like my distinct lack of talent stop me from randomly bursting into song whenever I felt like it – and this was one of the songs I performed many, many times. Continue reading

Musical Mondays #1

Anyone that clearly remembers Ally McBeal,that fabulous show from the 90’s – all about that skinny-minnie lawyer, with a severe psychotic disorder – that would spaz out & hallucinate all over the place,  will maybe remember that, as part of her therapy – she had a ‘theme song’ – just to help her along in her day to day life, when her usual pouting & a teeny tiny slut skirts, just weren’t enough. Continue reading

The joys of being long-term unemployed.

Courtesy of the Jobcentre – this week I have started the 6 month long ‘Community work programme’ hosted by a company in Catford.

I had the induction on Monday morning – which was fine & not many people were about (in fact I was the only person in the building when I arrived). But then it was my first day was yesterday, and that was an entirely different ballgame. As the gods of public transport like to punish me as frequently as possible – the buses were super speedy & I arrived at my destination about 40 minutes early;  The destination being a church hall that had been taken over by the course provider.  I decided to hang back for 10 minutes as I was so early, but then as I was cold – I gave up & decided to go forth.  I was greeted outside by a horde of the great unwashed, when I started walking through the crowd, I heard the chant of a pint sized man, “make way for the beautiful lady”, while a lady – whom I initially had thought was a man, shushed him as I could hear him?!
I held my breath & squeezed past as quickly as I could, only to be met by a queue of approximately 50 people.  I gazed across the sea of eyesores & found the first clean &  sane looking person, a portly gentleman – and asked him if this was the queue to sign in.  He and his friends, gave a loud toothless chuckle – laughing at me for being so early  & informed me it was actually the queue to claim back travel.

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I loves me a bit of glitter, I’m a sucker for the sparkle – I used to feel like anything would be better with a bit of glitter on it – food, makeup, decor, even some cunt I’d normally want to punch in the face……
I did a lot of glittery things throughout last year, like my green glittery anus top;
From September to mid December, I was pretty much constantly working with glitter or surrounded by it, which resulted in a total glitter overdose that pushed me to my limit and ended with what can only be described as me having a bad case of ‘glitteritious’.
Nearly everything I own became infected with glitter – I was always covered, which lead to me spreading bits of glitter wherever I went & everything I touched – got glittered.  I was passing it on to other people – like it was some dirty germy virus; You could say I was Kuntagious & Kuntaminating everything & everyone else!

Continue reading